hmm the time is now

well for the past few weeks josiah has been quite the little stripper. he hates diapers. well more recently he has started pointing at the bathroom and saying potty or peepee...so. i decided to see what would happen if i got him in front of the pot, the next time he did it. i stood him up on a chair, cuz i dont have a step stool for him yet. he started to grunt and groan something fierce... so i said, do you have to poop...well he let me know right there with a big fat NO. i said ok do you want to sit down...NO... so he continues to thrust out his little "stuff" and grunt until he is red in the face when all of a sudden, the most glorious little golden....DROPLET..... lands ...right on the chair. he was proud, so proud...he got down, and flushed the empty toilet. and wiped his peepee. in that order! i was so proud of my little man. i do feel its a bit early but he is determined to be a big boy..so for his birthday i am going to buy him his own throne! lol.

i lost my poor meatball...

wow. so i dont even know where to begin on this one. its personal. it hurts...really bad.my son was feeling a little unloved. he was sent to bed and he was bawling. so i called him down to talk to him. he told me he doesnt feel loved. pang right to the heart. of course i love him i tell him. he said well john doesnt love me. well dad jumps right in with well thats why i buy you all kinds of stuff huh. cuz i dont love you. so i quietly said you know, money can't buy love john. i said of course daddy loves you honey, and i was about to tell all the reasons why when john flies completely off the handle and throws a bowl ( a gift from our wedding) onto the kitchen floor spraying little glass pieces everywhere. starts telling me he's tired of everyone ganging up on him. i said wait a minute noone is ganging up on anyone, i'm trying to explain how we love with words. he said he'd just solve the problem and go to bed (running away from the situation instead of fixing it) i said well, dont you love the kids? he said well josiah is mine and davin is yours. i said no they are both ours. dont you love them? and then he stomped up the stairs. what am i to think of this? can he really be so cold and unkind? does he really feel that way? that one belongs to him and the other to me? i'm so completely hurt and confused...and poor poor davin, feels like he should belong to another family because he thinks noone loves him. what am i supposed to do??